Another Shake-up at Camp Kerry: Hamster to
Replace Green Beret
By Vic Lefrans
Fresh off a successful showing
in the first presidential debate in
which John Kerry ably portrayed
himself as a capable commander-
in-chief, his campaign is now
switching gears and changing the
focus of his message back to
domestic issues.
Spolitics has learned that as part
of this strategy, Jim Rassman,
the Green Beret whose life Kerry
saved in Vietnam and who has
campaigned with the senator since the primaries, is being replaced
on the stump by Patches, the hamster Kerry saved, as featured in
the story told during the Democratic convention by the candidate’s
daughters.
“We need to warm the senator up a bit,” said one campaign insider.
“If anyone can do that, Patches can.”
It’s still unclear how big a role Patches will play, but from what
Spolitics has gathered, the campaign is combining Patches in his
hamster wheel with a new slogan, “On a roll.”
In his first public appearance, Patches ran in his wheel in his cage,
which was placed on the podium in front of John Edwards as he
addressed a crowd outside a factory in West Virginia.
“If you want to know the kind of man John Kerry is,” said
Edwards, “just spend five minutes playing with the hamster whose
life John Kerry saved.”
Team Kerry hopes the rodent will help their candidate win back the
soccer mom vote. “Soccer moms like little furry animals,” said our
source. “Most of their kids probably have hamsters and we want
them to see John Kerry as a hamster-loving kind of guy. We
expect Patches to be a huge asset in that capacity.”
Like most shake-ups, though, this one has created some problems
at campaign headquarters, most notably amongst Kerry’s “band of
brothers.” The swiftees who have supported Kerry throughout his
campaign are not happy about one of their own being brushed
aside.
“It’s a slap in the face,” said one of Kerry’s boat mates on
condition of anonymity. “Back in Vietnam we had a saying… never
leave a man behind. After all Jim’s done for John, now he’s going
to leave him behind for a hamster? It’s just not right.”
Replace Green Beret
By Vic Lefrans
Fresh off a successful showing
in the first presidential debate in
which John Kerry ably portrayed
himself as a capable commander-
in-chief, his campaign is now
switching gears and changing the
focus of his message back to
domestic issues.
Spolitics has learned that as part
of this strategy, Jim Rassman,
the Green Beret whose life Kerry
saved in Vietnam and who has
campaigned with the senator since the primaries, is being replaced
on the stump by Patches, the hamster Kerry saved, as featured in
the story told during the Democratic convention by the candidate’s
daughters.
“We need to warm the senator up a bit,” said one campaign insider.
“If anyone can do that, Patches can.”
It’s still unclear how big a role Patches will play, but from what
Spolitics has gathered, the campaign is combining Patches in his
hamster wheel with a new slogan, “On a roll.”
In his first public appearance, Patches ran in his wheel in his cage,
which was placed on the podium in front of John Edwards as he
addressed a crowd outside a factory in West Virginia.
“If you want to know the kind of man John Kerry is,” said
Edwards, “just spend five minutes playing with the hamster whose
life John Kerry saved.”
Team Kerry hopes the rodent will help their candidate win back the
soccer mom vote. “Soccer moms like little furry animals,” said our
source. “Most of their kids probably have hamsters and we want
them to see John Kerry as a hamster-loving kind of guy. We
expect Patches to be a huge asset in that capacity.”
Like most shake-ups, though, this one has created some problems
at campaign headquarters, most notably amongst Kerry’s “band of
brothers.” The swiftees who have supported Kerry throughout his
campaign are not happy about one of their own being brushed
aside.
“It’s a slap in the face,” said one of Kerry’s boat mates on
condition of anonymity. “Back in Vietnam we had a saying… never
leave a man behind. After all Jim’s done for John, now he’s going
to leave him behind for a hamster? It’s just not right.”
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| Patches |