Democrats Introduce Energy Plan Secretly Called
“It’s Your Turn Now, China”
by William Satire
LA LA LAND - At a press conference last week, Senate Democrats
introduced their Earth-friendly, people-cruel energy plan called the
“Clean EDGE Act.” The plan will gradually reduce America’s
dependence on foreign oil by not increasing domestic oil production.
Instead, the plan calls for the production of energy sources that are
more expensive than oil. It will also promote flex-fuel vehicles that
run on an ethanol-based fuels (E85). The addition of this more
expensive fuel on the market, Democrats claim, will lead to more
competition at the pump. But, since there is no inherent demand for
the more expensive fuel, Democrats will mandate it. The fact that
ethanol is also in short supply, will not lead to higher costs,
Democrats reason. This is also known as “dodo economics” which is
based on the found principles of “tax the rich.”
“we will not let them try the solution they keep suggesting. Instead
we will continue to block drilling, block drilling, block drilling.
Eventually, if we continue to block drilling, we’ll get different results.
And America will no longer need the oil we won’t let them drill for.”
“There is no physical possibility of drilling our way out of this crisis,”
said Senator John Kerry. “We have to invent our way out of it.” The
Senator continued in stride: “This President wants to rush to drill
without a plan to win the inventing. We will not drill until we invent
our way out because drilling will only help us in the short-term, not
the long-term. After we solve the long-term, then we can worry
about the short-term. If elected, I would call for the immediate
withdrawal of all our drills.”
--continued below--
“It’s Your Turn Now, China”
by William Satire
LA LA LAND - At a press conference last week, Senate Democrats
introduced their Earth-friendly, people-cruel energy plan called the
“Clean EDGE Act.” The plan will gradually reduce America’s
dependence on foreign oil by not increasing domestic oil production.
Instead, the plan calls for the production of energy sources that are
more expensive than oil. It will also promote flex-fuel vehicles that
run on an ethanol-based fuels (E85). The addition of this more
expensive fuel on the market, Democrats claim, will lead to more
competition at the pump. But, since there is no inherent demand for
the more expensive fuel, Democrats will mandate it. The fact that
ethanol is also in short supply, will not lead to higher costs,
Democrats reason. This is also known as “dodo economics” which is
based on the found principles of “tax the rich.”
- During the press
conference, Senate
Minority Leader Harry Reid
quoted Ben Franklin saying
the definition of insanity is
doing the same thing “over
and over and over and
expecting different
results.” He went on to
say Republicans have only
one answer for the energy
crisis, “drill, drill, drill.”
“we will not let them try the solution they keep suggesting. Instead
we will continue to block drilling, block drilling, block drilling.
Eventually, if we continue to block drilling, we’ll get different results.
And America will no longer need the oil we won’t let them drill for.”
“There is no physical possibility of drilling our way out of this crisis,”
said Senator John Kerry. “We have to invent our way out of it.” The
Senator continued in stride: “This President wants to rush to drill
without a plan to win the inventing. We will not drill until we invent
our way out because drilling will only help us in the short-term, not
the long-term. After we solve the long-term, then we can worry
about the short-term. If elected, I would call for the immediate
withdrawal of all our drills.”
--continued below--
When Senator Dick Durbin took the microphone, he announced
their plan will reduce oil consumption “by 40%, or 6 million barrels
a day by 2020.” How the plan will do this exactly is unclear,
especially since demand is supposed to increase by that much
during the same time-frame.
But once Spolitics.com analyzed the details of their plan, the
explanation was clear. Democrats plan to sink the U.S. into a
recession, hence deflating the demand for oil.
While there are many aspects to the recession-inducing plan, the
nuts and bolts of it are to constrain supply by limiting drilling, raise
taxes on oil companies and then charge oil producers higher royalty
fees. This, in addition to more expensive cars and fuel, will make
driving too expensive for most Americans. Then, people will start to
ride their bikes to work. Cabs will be replaced by rickshaws and
pick-up trucks replaced by mule carts. According to our
calculations, the decline in the amount of motorists will reduce oil
consumption by the forty percent Durbin predicts.
In time, the US will cede its economic superiority and the American
landscape will come to resemble China while China moves towards
a car-based, free market economy. This is why some experts are
secretly calling the plan, “It’s Your Turn Now China.”
their plan will reduce oil consumption “by 40%, or 6 million barrels
a day by 2020.” How the plan will do this exactly is unclear,
especially since demand is supposed to increase by that much
during the same time-frame.
But once Spolitics.com analyzed the details of their plan, the
explanation was clear. Democrats plan to sink the U.S. into a
recession, hence deflating the demand for oil.
While there are many aspects to the recession-inducing plan, the
nuts and bolts of it are to constrain supply by limiting drilling, raise
taxes on oil companies and then charge oil producers higher royalty
fees. This, in addition to more expensive cars and fuel, will make
driving too expensive for most Americans. Then, people will start to
ride their bikes to work. Cabs will be replaced by rickshaws and
pick-up trucks replaced by mule carts. According to our
calculations, the decline in the amount of motorists will reduce oil
consumption by the forty percent Durbin predicts.
In time, the US will cede its economic superiority and the American
landscape will come to resemble China while China moves towards
a car-based, free market economy. This is why some experts are
secretly calling the plan, “It’s Your Turn Now China.”
click on the icon to comment on this farticle
| The stories on Spolitics.com are made up for entertainment purposes. Spolitics maintains that nothing on this site is accurate. Anything that happens to be accurate is purely accidental, coincidental or both and Spolitics will fire the writer responsible. Copyright © 2006 Spolitics.com. All Rights Reserved. |
| Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid |
