New Orleans: Two Years Later and Still No
Chocolate
by William Satire
I Want Chocolate
Most citizens of the Big Easy have forgotten about the broken
promise or chalked it up as yet another example of a politician willing
to say anything to get reelected. But one group is furious and
demanding answers: children. According to the Spolitics Bureau of
Statistics (BS), the mayor’s approval rating is a staggering 0%
amongst children of candy-eating ages. His disapproval rating is 98%
-- the highest of any New Orleans mayor this year.
“I want chocolate,” said a little girl who didn’t know her name. “I
want it!” She, like many of her peers, are too innocent to understand
politics as usual. They were made a promise and they’re not going to
stop crying until it’s comes true.
Houses Are Not Like Chocolate Bunnies
Yet, despite their pleas, the Mayor doesn’t have the first clue how to
make good. “It’s not like he hasn’t tried,” said a source close to the
mayor who would know about such things. “Turns out, it’s not
really that easy to build things out of chocolate. Yeah, little things like
bunnies, you can do that; but big things like houses… that’s proving
to be tricky.”
But people like the girl who didn’t know her name are not buying it.
“Why can’t I have it?!” she said. And she’s not alone.
Upset Stomachs
“I thought it was going to be like that episode of The Simpsons
where Homer dreamed he was in a chocolate land and he took a bite
out of the lamppost,” said one man who described himself as a kid at
heart. “I wouldn’t have voted for the guy otherwise. I mean, you
have two candidates, one talking about bringing businesses back to
New Orleans and the other promising chocolate. Of course I‘m,
going with the chocolate guy.” When asked if he thought he had
been lied to he said, “Absolutely. He told us what we wanted to hear,
played on our desires for chocolate. It upsets my stomach to think
about it.”
But the source close to the mayor denies dishonesty on their part.
“We really meant to do it. We were as excited about it as everyone
else.” He also rejects the idea that they had a responsibility to ensure
they could deliver before they made the promise. “Look, the polls
told us people liked chocolate, so that's what we campaigned on. I'm
sorry if people got their hopes up, but it’s just not doable at this time.”
Try explaining that to people like the little girl who didn’t know her
name. Excuses are a poor substitute for chocolate. When asked if
she thought this would influence which candidates she supported in
the future, she replied, “I have to tinkle.” Sometimes politics will do
that to you.
Chocolate
by William Satire
I Want Chocolate
Most citizens of the Big Easy have forgotten about the broken
promise or chalked it up as yet another example of a politician willing
to say anything to get reelected. But one group is furious and
demanding answers: children. According to the Spolitics Bureau of
Statistics (BS), the mayor’s approval rating is a staggering 0%
amongst children of candy-eating ages. His disapproval rating is 98%
-- the highest of any New Orleans mayor this year.
“I want chocolate,” said a little girl who didn’t know her name. “I
want it!” She, like many of her peers, are too innocent to understand
politics as usual. They were made a promise and they’re not going to
stop crying until it’s comes true.
Houses Are Not Like Chocolate Bunnies
Yet, despite their pleas, the Mayor doesn’t have the first clue how to
make good. “It’s not like he hasn’t tried,” said a source close to the
mayor who would know about such things. “Turns out, it’s not
really that easy to build things out of chocolate. Yeah, little things like
bunnies, you can do that; but big things like houses… that’s proving
to be tricky.”
But people like the girl who didn’t know her name are not buying it.
“Why can’t I have it?!” she said. And she’s not alone.
Upset Stomachs
“I thought it was going to be like that episode of The Simpsons
where Homer dreamed he was in a chocolate land and he took a bite
out of the lamppost,” said one man who described himself as a kid at
heart. “I wouldn’t have voted for the guy otherwise. I mean, you
have two candidates, one talking about bringing businesses back to
New Orleans and the other promising chocolate. Of course I‘m,
going with the chocolate guy.” When asked if he thought he had
been lied to he said, “Absolutely. He told us what we wanted to hear,
played on our desires for chocolate. It upsets my stomach to think
about it.”
But the source close to the mayor denies dishonesty on their part.
“We really meant to do it. We were as excited about it as everyone
else.” He also rejects the idea that they had a responsibility to ensure
they could deliver before they made the promise. “Look, the polls
told us people liked chocolate, so that's what we campaigned on. I'm
sorry if people got their hopes up, but it’s just not doable at this time.”
Try explaining that to people like the little girl who didn’t know her
name. Excuses are a poor substitute for chocolate. When asked if
she thought this would influence which candidates she supported in
the future, she replied, “I have to tinkle.” Sometimes politics will do
that to you.
| The stories on Spolitics.com are made up for entertainment purposes. Spolitics.com maintains that nothing on this site is accurate. Anything that happens to be accurate is purely accidental, coincidental or both and Spolitics.com will fire the writer responsible. Copyright © 2008 Spolitics.com. All Rights Reserved. |
| Mayor Ray Nagin promised the people of New Orleans he'd pave the streets with chocolate. It was a promise he didn't keep. |
SAME OLD ORLEANS - In 2006,
Mayor Ray Nagin promised the
people of New Orleans that if they
reelected him, he would rebuild
their city with chocolate. The
people responded by voting him to
another term. Yet, two years later,
there is still not a single building in
all of New Orleans that is made out
of the brown sugary treat. The
streets are still paved with asphalt
and the buildings continue to be
built with wood, brick, steel and
concrete -- which, according to
our sources, are not like chocolate
at all.
Mayor Ray Nagin promised the
people of New Orleans that if they
reelected him, he would rebuild
their city with chocolate. The
people responded by voting him to
another term. Yet, two years later,
there is still not a single building in
all of New Orleans that is made out
of the brown sugary treat. The
streets are still paved with asphalt
and the buildings continue to be
built with wood, brick, steel and
concrete -- which, according to
our sources, are not like chocolate
at all.
