The Long-Lost Ancient Greek Myth of Obamacles
by William Satire
A construction crew in Denver
uncovered what experts believe
to be an ancient manuscript
reciting the tale of a previously
unknown figure from Greek
mythology named Obamacles.
Here is all that survives of the
tale, translated from the original
Greek:
Sing in me, Muse, and through me tell the story
Of that man skilled in all ways of speech-making, Obamacles
He who pulled asbestos from the walls of Chicago
And banished his mentor from the ballot in Hyde Park,
So he could win safe passage to the state senate
He traveled the world and learned the minds of many distant men
He dined with bomb-throwers
Prayed with those who cursed his country
He remade the landscape
So he could accumulate much campaign gold
And vote "present" from the mountain tops
Of these adventures, Muse, daughter of Zeus,
Lift the great song again
Tell us of how they built a large plywood gazebo
As a testament to his greatness
He who wrote books by the two-fold
And passed laws by the one-fold
Who bested her ladyship Klynton,
The C-nymph who conspired against him
And issued warning to those who dared mock his funny name
Thus victorious, he went unto the world
To unify all lands under his banner of hope
Only to return to a house divided
A new challenger who refused to pay homage to his greatness
Distracting his followers with tales of gas and taxes
Sing to us, Muse, the song of how Obamacles returned
Ascended to that city in the clouds and
Delivered his greatest speech to thousands of his cheering subjects
His sweet siren song calling them to join him on his barren shore
And eat of the decayed fruit called Socialism
Only to perish on the rocky cliffs of General Electorate
by William Satire
A construction crew in Denver
uncovered what experts believe
to be an ancient manuscript
reciting the tale of a previously
unknown figure from Greek
mythology named Obamacles.
Here is all that survives of the
tale, translated from the original
Greek:
Sing in me, Muse, and through me tell the story
Of that man skilled in all ways of speech-making, Obamacles
He who pulled asbestos from the walls of Chicago
And banished his mentor from the ballot in Hyde Park,
So he could win safe passage to the state senate
He traveled the world and learned the minds of many distant men
He dined with bomb-throwers
Prayed with those who cursed his country
He remade the landscape
So he could accumulate much campaign gold
And vote "present" from the mountain tops
Of these adventures, Muse, daughter of Zeus,
Lift the great song again
Tell us of how they built a large plywood gazebo
As a testament to his greatness
He who wrote books by the two-fold
And passed laws by the one-fold
Who bested her ladyship Klynton,
The C-nymph who conspired against him
And issued warning to those who dared mock his funny name
Thus victorious, he went unto the world
To unify all lands under his banner of hope
Only to return to a house divided
A new challenger who refused to pay homage to his greatness
Distracting his followers with tales of gas and taxes
Sing to us, Muse, the song of how Obamacles returned
Ascended to that city in the clouds and
Delivered his greatest speech to thousands of his cheering subjects
His sweet siren song calling them to join him on his barren shore
And eat of the decayed fruit called Socialism
Only to perish on the rocky cliffs of General Electorate
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